did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
