i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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