And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
