I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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