u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
