I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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