i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
