In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
