Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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