News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
