after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
