im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
