took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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