the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize