There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
