I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
