I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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