I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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