The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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