Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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