my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
