Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
