how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
