I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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