you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize