His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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