He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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