THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
