you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
