Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
