dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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