I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You're like the curious george of whores
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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