from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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