Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
