i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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