Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
