im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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