Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Enjoy the penises
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Someone signed my nipple.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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