Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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