i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is Oprah even human
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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