its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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