Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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