i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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