we have officially lost it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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