I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
