Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
