she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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