I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
