I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
