So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
