I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize