Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
