Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
