My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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