your parents love me but you hate me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
