im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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