I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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