thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
