Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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