Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
