My first STD was from a foam party
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
are you so shy because you have an std?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drake has all the answers
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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