I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
