What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Having a random hookup so left but love u
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
