Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
