Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
