Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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