First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
