is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
