just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
