Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
