You made me cry and you don't even care
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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