im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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